Fear

I want to record the following two events for two reasons (1) to remember the events clearly for Tadi's benefit later on and (2) for the awareness of the still-waiting families.

I've had two experiences with Tadi in the last week or so which have given me a clear awareness of the magnitude of fear that these children harbor after coming home to their forever families. The first was a week ago Friday-

There is a local store here that sells freshly made injera every Friday morning. Last week, I told Tadi we were going to get injera and he was very excited about it. We drove out to the store and all was fine. When we got in the store, it was very middle-eastern/Indian like, stocked with ethnic products and very cramped. The injera was the same as that made in Ethiopia (ie, with teff). The man behind the counter was Indian, but also very middle-eastern in appearance. We got the injera, and some mango juice (very common morning drink in ET) and left the store. As I got Tadi back into the car, he was looking very sullen, so I asked him (in Amharic) if he was sad and he said "yes". Ten minutes into the drive home, he started crying, then crying hard, then jabbering anxiously in Amharic. Then vomiting, again, again, all over himself. I got him home, cleaned up, and comforted. Afterward, he was fine (ie, not sick). I realized then that he had just been terrified that he was either going back to ET, or headed for another transition.

The second event was when Tadi unexpectedly saw photographs of two children he knew at the orphanage; pictures of them still at the orphanage. Again, he got very quiet and withdrew into me. The dogs were barking to come into the house, so I walked to the back, carrying Tadi, and let the dogs in. He wailed and screamed, "Why?! Why?! Why?!" just like he did the first day he came home, in fear of the dogs. I was amazed at how quickly and acutely he reverted in his progress of overcoming his fear of them. It occurred to me to tell him that the children in the photos have a Mama and Daddy here. That helped him to calm down, and a while later he was trying to ask me something. I was catching the word "Mama" and then finally also caught one of the children's names. He was trying to confirm that they had parents here in the U.S. So, I explained to him that those kids are still in ET, but they are coming home on a plane to America, just like he did. He imitated my big sweeping motion with his arm, showing the plane going from ET to America. He was very reassured by this, and actually quite happy about it, with a visible smile.

These are things I will plan to share with Tadi much later; things that I think are important for him to understand about what he went through during this time of transition. Also, I just want to put the awareness out there to those families bringing home toddler-age or older children to be aware of the magnitude of their fear and confusion, and to present information to them about their previous lives cautiously. For me, I realize now that until Tadi and I can communicate sufficiently well, I will hold off on showing him any photos of life in ET until I know he can clearly understand what I am saying to him.